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Me: What do you want to be?
Student: A car designer! Me: What kind of cars are you going to design? Student: A car with a piano in it, a spy car, and a gadget car! It will have a drill on the bottom and chainsaws on the sides! *student starts drawing circles in his music again [see October 22]*
Me: Why the circles?? Student: They're festive! *I laugh* Student: Wait...what does festive mean? Me: Sort of celebratory. Student: Oh! I see why that's funny now! *student laughs* Student: Wait...why is that funny...? Student: One time one of my friends dared me to let someone spit in my mouth. It was THE WORST.
Me: Here’s a pencil. Mark that Eb in 3rd.
*hands pencil to student and keeps talking as student starts writing* Student [after 10 seconds of writing on music]: So…what did you tell me to mark? He had spent 10 seconds drawing circles all over the top of his music… Student: Want to hear something gross?
Me: Uh...not really...but I have a feeling you're going to tell me anyway... Student: It's about me, don't worry. So, as you can tell, this *holds up water bottle full of a liquid* is full of grape drink [it was entirely not obvious to me that it wasn't just a dark, opaque water bottle...]. After gym class today, I went to take a drink, and when I did, THERE WAS A CENTIPEDE IN MY MOUTH! I ALMOST ATE A CENTIPEDE! It was nasty. I decided I'm not going to drink out of my water bottle anymore until there's a clear liquid in it. Me: You're playing an Eb, not a C. But you’re using the right valve combination for a C.
Student: Are you sure? For all I know you aren't even paying attention. How do I know I can trust you? Student: Would you rather be a chicken or a duck?
Me: A duck. Student: Would you rather be a duck or a hamster? Me: A duck. Student: Would you rather be a duck or a monkey? Me: A monkey. Student: Would you rather be a monkey or a leopard? Me: That depends on what kind of monkey. Student: A spider monkey. Me: Then probably a spider monkey. Student: Would you rather be a spider monkey or a gorilla? Me: A gorilla. Student: Awww, come on, I was trying to get you to say the same animal three times in a row. You only said each one twice. His band director and parents kept commenting that he was making a lot of progress, so...whatever works, right? Student: All my mind and ears are hearing right now is this: *waves hands in circles*
Me: *stares blankly at student for a couple seconds* Student: You know what I mean? Me (making a triangle with my hands): Pretend your sound is a pyramid. You are only playing with the top part of the pyramid; you need to play with a better foundation so you use the full pyramid.
Student: All I see is you flashing an Illuminati symbol at me. Tuba student: I have to use a lot of air when I play. My dad calls me a blowhard.
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Author
I have been teaching music across the Twin Cities since 2011. Along with seeing students grow as musicians and people, one of the joys of teaching is the ridiculous things my students say. 
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March 2020
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