Me and Student (at the same time): See you next week!
*student signs off*
So...am I allowed to talk before her next lesson, or...?
Me: Go ahead and start at the pickup note into the second line.
*student fracks pickup note and stops*
Student: Ugh, I can't even do the pickup line right.
Student: Wait...I meant pickup note. 🤦♂️
I told her she's probably too young to be using pickup lines anyway.
Student: During my band time you should text your brother [his band director] to harass him.
Me: No, I'm good.
Student: You should steal his cat!
Me: He doesn't have one...my sister does. His wife is allergic.
Student: You should leave the cat at your brother's and steal his wife!
Student: Do you get what I'm saying?
Me: Ummm...I don't think *you* understand what you're saying...
Student: I stepped on a nail.
Me: You did what now and why...?
Student: I forgot there was a nail sticking up, so I walked on it.
Me: Oooh boy... I assume you got it taken care of? You didn't just step on the nail then immediately text me, right? 😛
Student: I slapped a bandaid on it and called it good.
Me: ...are you up to date on your tetanus shot, at least?
Student: Wait no, I forgot, I'm an anti-vaxer.
Me: 🙄 Well, good luck getting diseases and stuff.
He's an anti-vaxxer like I'm a flat-earther...
Student (65 minutes into his 30 minute lesson): Well, I should go write an essay.
Me: Ooo, what's it on.
Student: Emma, by Jane Austen.
Me: Ah, nice.
Student: I hate it. It's basically all like, "Would you like some tea?" and, [makes pouring motion] "Oh no, I broke my teapot." It's British, so it's basically all about tea.
Well, sounds like he has a pretty solid grasp on the book. 😂
I have been teaching music across the Twin Cities since 2011. Along with seeing students grow as musicians and people, one of the joys of teaching is the ridiculous things my students say.