In a high school trombone sectional today...
Student: It's hot in here. I'm going to take off my pants.
*student starts taking off pants*
Thankfully, he had athletic shorts underneath...
Student: Here's a story I wrote: Once upon a time, a pig got hit by a giant squid and died. The end.
Student: I want to build a Great Wall of [6ish year old sibling].
Student's Sibling: I want to build a Great Wall of Trump, because Trump's stupid. He's a fake president.
Went back to the middle school for a day
Student 1: I'm the best trombone player in this group now that [other trombonist] switched bands.
Student 2: No, I am. That's why you guys always have to read off the notes in my music.
Student 3: That's a lie, don't believe her, Mr. Baumgartner!
Me: I have no reason to NOT believe her.
Student 3 [African-American]: You're just saying that because [Student 2] is a girl! I feel so discriminated against! I can't stand this anymore, I'm going back to Africa!
I miss my 6th graders.
8-Year Old Student: You know one way we can save the world? By wiping out the entire human race.
Student 1: Hey John, do you want to join our team for Assassins?
Student 2: The winning team gets $2,000; It's a $5 pay-in.
Student 3: We'll give you 10% of the cut.
It was tempting...
*high school Student 1 starts laughing uncontrollably*
Me and Student 2: What?
*Student 1 tries talking, but cannot due to laughter*
*Student 1 takes a deep breath to calm himself*
Student 1: I thought about telling you I'm high on PCP.
Student 1 [fighting off laughter]: I don't even know what that is.
*uncontrollable laughter begins anew*
Student 1: I feel like a drug addict with this sweatshirt.
Sometimes you just don't know...
I have been teaching music across the Twin Cities since 2011. Along with seeing students grow as musicians and people, one of the joys of teaching is the ridiculous things my students say.