Student: I need to get a new folder, because mine is falling apart [it was barely starting to tear at the top in the middle].
Me: That's not too bad. I have a student who has two halves of his folder. Sometimes he forgets one...
Student: Oh, that's pretty bad.
Me: Yeah...he's kind of forgetful...
Student: One time I lost a shoe at track practice.
Me: Did you leave it there, or did it come off?
Student: Well...I was running, and then I looked down and realized it wasn't there. I'm not sure if I forgot to put it on or if it came off and I just didn't notice...
My student was repeating everything I said, so...
Me: Hi, I'm [Student], and I'm going to play this part the way my teacher wants me to play it.
Student [grin/glaring]: Hi, I'm the teacher, and I'm going to give [Student] $10.
Me: Well, since I'm [Student] now, you owe me $10.
Two can play at this game, kid.
Student: My mom sight-read my accompaniment no problem [she has a master's in piano]. She's a piano wizar...witch. My mom's a witch.
Me: Wow, you just called your mom a witch??
Student: Well, I was going to call her a wizard, but then I went with the female version of that. So I called her a witch. She's from Harlem.
Me (confused, knowing she isn't): ...?
Student: Ok, she's not, but you know, Harlem? Like the Harlem Witch Trials?
Me: . . .you mean the *Salem* Witch Trials...
*student throws hat and walks away laughing at himself*
Student: I think it's messed up that the President can just sit in his chair and play Fortnite all day and get paid for it, when all the rest of us have to work for our money.
I don't think he quite understands how the government works yet...
Student 1: We could play Aces of the Air. But that piece makes my gums hurt.
Me: Did you mean your lips?
Student 1: Oh, yeah...that's what I meant.
Student 2: Otherwise you might have gingervitis.
Me/Student 1/Student 3: ...you mean gingivitis?
Student 2: .......yeeeeah......
Gingervitis: The swelling of your ginger; only known to occur in redheads.
Student: Mr. Baumgartner, my arms are tired.
Me: Well, why are your arms tired?
Student: Because my whole body is tired.
Me: Why is your whole body tired?
Student: Because my face is melting off.
I suppose that would do it...?
My student was playing Oh, Susanna, but he was rushing pretty badly.
Me: Stephen Foster wasn’t Russian, right?
Me: Right. So don’t you be a rushin’.
Student: Isn’t that racist?
I’m not sure he quite understands racism yet.
Also, sorry/not sorry for that far overused pun.
I have been teaching music across the Twin Cities since 2011. Along with seeing students grow as musicians and people, one of the joys of teaching is the ridiculous things my students say.