I wanted a student to tap quarter notes with his left hand while tapping a syncopation with his right hand...
Student: I caaaan't do iiiit. That's impossible.
Me: I can do it, so it's not impossible.
Student: Well, you must be a robot.
I suppose I've been called worse things.
Me: As you're playing your instrument, try to think of a time when you were playing football that everything went really well for you.
Student [he plays defensive line]: Well...there was one time I took the ball out of the center's hands before he handed it to the quarterback.
I don't even know how that happens, but I was impressed. And slightly embarrassed for that center...
Me: If you can't figure out how to play this piece, you know what to do.
Student: Ask you or my mom. . .
Student: . . .or call 911.
Me: Uh, no...only call 911 in an emergency.
Student: Like if someone shoots your precious piano?
Me: Where is your tongue?
Trombone student: …in my mouth…?
Me: Practice better this week, and let's try for a good lesson next week. Today's lesson was not good...
Student: Have we ever had a good lesson?
The snark is strong in this one...
I showed up to a student's lesson, and he had a Lego knight on his piano, with a shield attached to his helmet. He told me his name was Fred.
Student: Can we write a song about [attempting to sing] Fred Who Has a Shield on His Helmet. . .on His Heeeeead???
I regret to inform you that we did not write a song about Fred.
Started lessons with a new student today, and had to change rooms right at the beginning of the lesson. After we moved to the new room...
Student: I like this room better anyway. It has a mirror.
On the plus side of changing rooms, at least now I know he's not a vampire.
I have been teaching music across the Twin Cities since 2011. Along with seeing students grow as musicians and people, one of the joys of teaching is the ridiculous things my students say.