*student puts trombone on head (longways, slide facing forward)*
Student: I'm a unicorn!
Student: If I win the Powerball, I'll buy you a brand new house, a brand new car, a grand piano, and a pool table.
Someone get this kid a Powerball ticket!
My beginning band low brass students finally figured out my name (the two other directors have said it before, but they weren't paying attention; so one of the trumpet students finally told them). On the walk from band room to sectional room:
Student 1: John is such a common name. Why are you embarrassed by it?
Me: I'm not embarrassed by it, it was just fun messing with you all.
Student 2: Can we call you Eugene instead?
Student 2: How about Geneu [pronounced Gene-u]?
Student 2: How about just Gene?
Me: No. Though, it's sort of close to the French for John (Jean).
Student 2: So if we speak in French, we can call you Jean?
Me: No. I don't speak French.
Student 3: Can we call you Gaston?
I got Mr. Baumgartner about 75% of the time that day, so...progress.
As I was writing down my piano student's assignment, he was just banging on one key repeatedly.
Me: ...what are you doing?
Student 1: Mr BG [BaumGartner], I have a question.
Student 2: Don't call him Mr. BG, that's not respectful!
Student 2: I respect you, Puffington.
Me: *raised eyebrow*
Student 1: Is your first name actually Baumgartner?
Student 1: Guys, I think I just discovered a big secret!
We get things done too though.
Student: I brought this [tuba mouthpiece] home, and my mom asked me if it was a french horn mouthpiece. She doesn't know a lot about music...she only played through 8th grade. My dad played through 9th grade though, and then...well...that happened.
Me: What happened?
Student: Well...his brother got mad at him and smashed his violin over his head. They've never really gotten along very well. Another time they shot a television.
Me: With a real gun??
Student: Yeah...but I guess it's not surprising, coming from the kids that used to race motorbikes through their school.
I promise this conversation actually happened. He apparently has a very interesting family.
I have been teaching music across the Twin Cities since 2011. Along with seeing students grow as musicians and people, one of the joys of teaching is the ridiculous things my students say.