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Student (looking in my car): I feel so sorry for you – you have cloth seats. You need to get a new car.
You're right, kid; the most important thing isn't that it runs perfectly fine, but that I don't have more expensive, less comfortable seat covers... *eyeroll* Sometimes students say the creepiest thing. Especially this time.
Me: You know that moment in Jurrassic Park when the T-rex shows up? Student: Well, I don’t watch many movies. My family mostly only watches scary movies, so we can get ideas from them. *later* Student: I’m the only student in the school with two human-sized cages. Me: *shocked expression on face* Once he told me his family runs a pretty popular haunted house on Halloween (1,700-2,000 people show up each year, apparently), I was a little less terrified for what might happen to me. But only a little. Me: Did you practice this week?
Student: Maybe. Student’s mom: You can’t just always answer “Maybe.” Student: But that’s what [friend’s] Magic 8 Ball kept saying! Me: You aren’t a Magic 8 Ball. Student: Sometimes I wish I was. Some kids want to be doctors, some athletes, and some police officers; I get the ones who want to be toys that fake-predict your future. Me: When you have a problem spot like this, what is one thing you can do to deal with it?
Student: I take it over to the wall and Hulk-smash it. That's...one way of dealing with it. Student: Do you live in a mansion, a shed, or a tent?
Those are...similar... Student: Saxophones sound like dying goats.
If it makes you sax players feel any better, he accidentally kicked himself in the face within 10 minutes, so I wouldn't put too much stock in it. One of my students is playing an arrangement of Cantina Band (from Star Wars). He commented that the composer (John Williams) and arranger (John Brimhall) had similar *last* names.
Me: Well...I guess. Their first names are the same too though. So is mine [I point to where all three of our names are listed on the cover page]. Student: Whoa, you're all named John. Me: Yeah, it is a really common name though. Student: Are...are John's going to take over the world? And eliminate all the Mikes, and then all the Steves? Me: ...no... Student: What about all the Henrys and Zacks? Me: Well, I know some pretty cool Zacks, so definitely not them. Student: How do you know they [Zacks] are not all laying in bed awake at night wondering...? Student: One time I was at an overnight, and I drank so much Mountain Dew I passed out. Another time I passed out in class because I was trying to make my face turn really red.
This is what I have to teach... I accidentally wore a t-shirt+hoodie to teach a piano lesson today. My student didn't notice until I mentioned it at the end of the lesson. Even then, he didn't realize I was wearing something different from normal...
4thish-grade Student: If you dyed your hair bright green, got like ten rings in your nose, dressed like an idiotic teenager [his words] and only wore gray and black, then I would probably notice. I would be like O. M. G. Then he proceeded to tell me a story about a guy smoking while talking to another guy who was drinking, and how terrible those people are. Me: What position is G in?
Student: G is a C, no D...no, F? Me: A G is always a G. What position number is it? Student: G is E. Me: I'm not sure what you're trying to say. Student: I'm not sure either... High school is hard. |
Author
I have been teaching music across the Twin Cities since 2011. Along with seeing students grow as musicians and people, one of the joys of teaching is the ridiculous things my students say. 
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July 2022
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