Student: Can I bribe you? I’ll use this pin to poke your eyes out. . .[I don’t know if there was more; that’s all I heard...]
My [still intact] eyes and I are glad this is my last school day of the year...
Student’s Mom: He has had baseball games four days in a row, a big project on Nikola Tesla for school, plus two orchestra concerts, so he hasn’t been happy about me making him get his practice time in.
Student: I’m just too well-rounded to have time for practicing.
My First Student I Ever Had: I do.
My First Student I Ever Had’s Now-Wife: I do.
Congrats, you two!
Student: I'm doing Driver's Ed right now, and almost all it is is people coming in and telling horror stories of their driving experiences; like a guy who came in and talked about his wife being killed by a distracted driver. Half of my class is terrified to even drive now.
Me: Pretend that there is no such thing as good or bad tone; how would you describe your sound just now?
Student: My sound was mediocre.
One of the high school students I have had for low brass sectionals the last couple years has been known to ask me...questionable questions on a regular basis. I'm pretty sure I always answered him in the negative, no matter what he asked. During probably the last time I'll ever work with him...
Student: John, do you have a little mama?
Me: *stare at student*
Me: Sometimes I'm not even sure if I'm supposed to talk to you.
I caught up with the first student I ever had [he was getting married 12 days later...], and we were talking about The Walking Dead, and that neither of us got past the first episode, because we don't care much for zombies. During our conversation, a police officer pulled up and walked into Chipotle to get food. Just as he walked in front of my former student...
Former Student [talking about zombies]: Do you just have to shoot them in the head to kill them?
I quickly mentioned zombies twice in case the cop heard us talking about shooting people in the head...
I have been teaching music across the Twin Cities since 2011. Along with seeing students grow as musicians and people, one of the joys of teaching is the ridiculous things my students say.