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Student: I'm going to invent robotic gloves that you put on, put a chip into with the music, and then they play piano for me so I don't have to practice.
Me: If you can somehow invent those gloves, I will let you use them as much as you want. Student: It can't be that hard; once I made a clock out of *water, vinegar, and bronze. *actual list may have been slightly different, I can't remember... Student: So I've been thinking about it, and I think time travel is actually possible.
This kid is going to do great things. But he probably will still never practice his assigned pieces how he's supposed to... Student turned to Schubert's Unfinished Symphony in his lesson book.
Me: They were just talking about this on the radio this morning. Student: Oh, did they finish it? Student: I get treated differently in school because I'm more intelligent than most of the students [he's absurdly smart]. They make me help the other kids who don't understand what they're doing. And then sometimes the other kids ditch us for gym while we're in advanced math. THAT'S injustice.
We had a talk about what injustice actually is, and that the fact that he's in an advanced math class is a privilege, despite having seemingly negative consequences for him... My student wanted me to kill a tiny spider that was on a window four feet away (apparently he's very afraid of them). I wasn't going to kill it, because it was harmless.
Student (muttering): Incompetence...I'm surrounded by incompetence... Student: Who was a better piano player: Babe Ruth or Mozart?
Me: Um... Student: ...I mean Beethoven. 9-year old Student: So I did the math, and I figured out that if they used all the spots on the lifeboats for the Titanic, only 900 people would have died instead of 1500.
Sometimes I feel like my students are way smarter than I am. Student: Do you have a fidget spinner?
Me: ...no... Student: You should get one! Me: No. Student: When's your birthday? Me: I don't have one. Student: So you were never born? Me: ...yep. Sometimes you really need to avoid fidget spinners. Student: Whenever I think of an emperor I picture a big, fat guy.
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Author
I have been teaching music across the Twin Cities since 2011. Along with seeing students grow as musicians and people, one of the joys of teaching is the ridiculous things my students say. 
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July 2022
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