In December [see December 8, 2016], one of my beginning students claimed she knew everything about playing trombone, so she should be the teacher. So something along these lines happened:
Me: Ok, well, what are you going to teach me first?
Student: Get me Chipotle.
Me: ...no. That's commanding, not teaching. Teach me something.
Student: Fine. Get me Chick-Fil-A.
Every time she's seen me since then, she has asked where her Chick-Fil-A is.
Then today, things escalated...
*two other students come into room right before her lesson*
Student (to other students): Mr. Baumgartner is going to get all of us Chick-Fil-A!
By the end of the hour, the whole band had heard I was getting them Chick-Fil-A and I had probably 10 students come up to me and ask for their Chick-Fil-A...
Me: How did practicing go this week?
Student: Really good!
Me: Great! What did you practice?
Student: This. *bangs hands on piano repeatedly*
Me: ...oook...so how did practicing the stuff I assigned you go?
Student: Really, really awful.
Student: Can I have the pencil? The Pencil of Justice. The Pencil of Wisdom.
While running a high school low brass sectional, I asked if they knew what the cap accents meant...
Student: They mean the notes were bad and needed a time-out.
Student: I'm going to try to set the world record by breaking the speed of sound [with his piano playing].
Student: When you order from Wal-Mart, it never arrives when they say it will. The one time I ordered from Target, it got here early.
Student: I act like I'm 3 years old [he's 8].
Student: Like, if you turned your back on me, the house might explode from a nuke I order, because Donald Trump would sell it to me.
Yeah. I'm not sure either how he got from "I act like a 3-year-old" to "I act like a maniacal dictator who can apparently just buy nukes from the President and install them immediately"...
I have been teaching music across the Twin Cities since 2011. Along with seeing students grow as musicians and people, one of the joys of teaching is the ridiculous things my students say.