Me: In the long run, you might find you like playing piano; 6 months, a year, or 10 down the road.
Student: That's not the long run, if I live to be 150 years old.
Me: Who knows, maybe when you get to college one of your friends will want to start a band. Then you could be like, "Hey, I play keys."
Student: That's a long ways away.
Me: Not if you live to be 150.
This is the second student at the high school I've had these two exact things happen with:
Student: So since you're getting paid, can we just not play?
Student: Bye, John. I love you.
Student (who hadn't seen me at the school before): Who are you?
Student 2 [18-year old...]: He's my dad.
Me: Uh, sure...I've been leading low brass sectionals here for a few months.
Student 2: Actually, he's not my dad. My beard's better than his.
Me: And my kid would have more respect for others than that.
Student (to mom): Mom, can we switch to hour lessons so we can get more done???
Things teachers want to hear.
Me: So...you need to focus. If you can focus doing things you don't like, it'll be easier to focus doing things you do like.
Student: That actually makes a lot of sense.
*immediately, student looks at illustration of what legato should/shouldn't sound like on whiteboard*
Student: That looks like a hotdog!
Student: ...I'm so sorry!
To be fair, it did...
Student: I mainly practiced getting the tempos right with the Metrodome.
*student was writing something down, so I started playing an excerpt that included a high, loud glissando*
Student: Oh my goodness! You almost gave me a heart-attack! I was so scared!
Student: *singing something about shooting Barney the Purple Dinosaur through the nose*
Me: Uh...yeeeaaaah, that's not cool...
*student starts giggling*
Student: You NEVER respond how I expect you to respond!
I let him know violence isn't cool. Hopefully that gets through to at least one student sometime...
Student: What you're asking me to do is like asking me to evolve from a human into a squirrel in five days.
I was asking him to curve his hands while playing piano...
*same lesson, later*
Student: I don't need to do that, because I'm Mozart.
I have been teaching music across the Twin Cities since 2011. Along with seeing students grow as musicians and people, one of the joys of teaching is the ridiculous things my students say.